How is it possible that this phrase does not exist anywhere on the internet that Google has crawled as of the evening of January 21, 2021? Since the end of the 80s, I’ve been singing the song “Big Mouth Strikes Again” by The Smiths and as we all know, the lyrics of that song are:

Sweetness.
Sweetness, I was only joking
When I said I’d like to
Smash dead creatures in your hair.

We all sang those lyrics, right? So how can I be the only one that remembers that?

Is this another Berenstein/Berenstain Bear paradox?

As a child, I owned and read many of those Berenstein Bear books. However, much like my “smash dead creatures” lyrics, not a single Berenstein Bear book seems to exist, only the exact same books but called the Berenstain Bears.

Some have argued that the Berenstein/Berenstain paradox represents a parallel universe indicator. My personal theory is that I am having a coma dream. Somehow I’m in a coma and my dreams are just a degree or two off from accurate reality. It’s like I’m really close on some things but my unconscious mind in this coma just can’t quite close the gap and get it straight that it’s actually Berenstein. OR that the Smith lyrics are actually “smash dead creatures.”

My coma dream also helps to explain a certain inexplicable presidency just ending, that unconscious mind built on the Back to the Future Biff presidency to create this unholy nightmare. It also helps to explain a pandemic that spiraled needlessly unchecked to the point that colleges closed and forced my two lovelies back home with me, a joy and relief from my empty nest ache. It also explains how I have somehow ended up living my dream state, with my youngest lovely attending a dream school. My unconscious mind structure this particular piece from a specific memory from high school where I was in my high school library and picked up a college brochure for this particular state and this particular school and I thought how can there be such a beautiful place.

So if this is all a coma dream, what is there to fear, my lady? It’s all a dream so why not try something new. Maybe something big that changes all of time and space. Maybe something like adding the phrase “smash dead creatures in your hair” to the internet.